So I watched Snowpiercer….

Walked into this movie with higher expectations than I needed. It’s a dull, non-sensical mess and I wish this movie came with a refund option. I’m getting tired of seeing movies set in a  dystopian future with a class system. Do original ideas still flow through Hollywood?

Basic plot: The world has frozen over after humanity launches some chemical or some bomb into the atmosphere to try to curb global warming. Most of the world’s population freezes, a lucky few board a train, that somehow manages to escape the cold because…well because the film’s plot demands it. Chris Evans tries to break away from the Captain America boyscout image he’s currently stuck in by playing Curtis – one of the inhabitants of the train. A class system is established on the train and Curtis is in the shit end of the train. Basically, it’s Hunger Games on a train. Katniss, I mean Curtis has to fight his way from District 12, I mean the tail end of the train to the capital, I mean the front of the train. 

Okay first problem (of many) that I had with this movie – it’s on a freaking train. Why a train? Is the train outrunning the cold? The reason the people in the train stay alive is because of shields and heaters so what’s the point of the train? You could have easily built a building or a compound with said shields and heaters.

But let’s say we accept the premise of the train being necessary, what never-ending track is this thing travelling on?

But let’s say we accept the premise of a never-ending track, who maintains this track? How has this track not frozen or become damaged over the years?

But let’s say we accept all the above premises, now the question is why was this movie so badly made? The plot has even more holes than the three I just pointed out. The travel from rear to front of the train goes from sheer impossibility to a casual stroll in the park with absolutely no reason or coherence. At times you’re wonderkng why and how the class system survives if it can be toppled so easily.

Beyond this, the characters are vapid and as dispensable to the story as the people in back of the train are to those in the front. Chris Evans doesn’t inject any kind of charm or emotion into Curtis and whether he fails or succeeds comes in second to your desire to have the movie end. 

The fight sequences are so inconsistent.  Characters go from being able to fight dozens of men on their own to struggling to throw a punch. Added to this the lack of proper camera work to display the action, a strong cup of coffee is needed to keep you awake for them.

The worst thing about this excuse of a movie is the lack of focus with regards to the plot. The movie goes from trying to be an environmental piece about the destructive force of man to being a political drama about the evils those in power must committ to ensure order  to being a social commentary about classism. It doesn’t properly achieve its goals in either section and just ends up falling flat.

I didn’t like this movie at all and would really appreciate a refund for the money and time spent on it. It had so much potential but ultimately only manages to disappoint and leave you confused, bored and begging to leave the theatre.

Don’t watch this movie, ever. 4/10