So in case you missed it, I (like most) hated Batman Vs Superman: Dawn of Justice. Instead of merely silently complaining, I’ve decided to re-work the story, add details I wish had been in the film and – most importantly – take out pieces that made absolutely no sense. For a full recap of Part I, click here. Without any adieu, let’s carry on with what I wish had happened in BvS.

Cut to the LexCorp offices where Lex Luthor stares out at the quarantine site created around the crashed Kryptonian ship.

Mercy walks in with several folders in her hand.

Mercy

Quarter numbers are in. Profits are up by 8% – all the pro-bono work we’re doing in rebuilding the city is rocketing our stock price. Best of all, we just beat out Wayne Enterprises for another Government Defence Contract

Lex

Wayne Enterprises is run by a spoilt playboy whose only qualification is being able to remember the pin to Daddy’s credit card. Beating them means nothing.

Mercy

Eight months ago it meant everything

Lex

Eight months ago men didn’t fly and shoot fire from their eyes. That ship and its technology have the power to touch the stars and literally change worlds. That’s the new prize. That’s all that matters.

Lex sits down at his desk

Where are we on that?

Mercy

We’ve hacked every government satellite out there – nothing. Not even our surveillance drones are fast enough to track him

Lex

Damn! How can I break him if I don’t know who he is?

Mercy

It’s not going to be any easier with him single-handedly rebuilding the city

Lex

Are the protests still going on?

Mercy

They’re steadily dying down. Not enough people hate him like you do

Lex

Why would I hate him? He’s going to give me unlimited power. We don’t need people to hate him; we need them to fear him! Our intel says he wasn’t born here but he was raised here. Which makes him for all intents and purposes human. Humans are volatile, they can be manipulated. Exploited.

Mercy

And how are we going to do that?

Lex

The protestors. Anyone still at it must have a real vendetta against him. Get me the names and life stories of anyone still protesting. I want it on my desk by the close of business tomorrow. Then I want you to make two calls – one to Theo Lissler, the second to Governer Terrence.

Mercy

Lissler? The sculptor?

Lex

Yes, think it’s time we praised Superman for all his heroic efforts.  A statue in his honour sounds great, doesn’t it?

Mercy

And Governer Terrence?

Lex

It’s time he began paying back those contributions I made to his campaign

Mercy

I don’t see how erecting monuments to the man you want to tear down is going to help you…

Lex

Of course you don’t, that’s why it says CEO on my door and…oh yeah, that’s right…you don’t have a door.

Cut to Superman flying above the streets of Gotham searching for Batman. His search is interrupted by the sound of sirens. He flies down and sees an armoured truck on the run from the police. Before he can even think about getting involved a jet black vehicle turns a corner and joins the pursuit. It’s the batmobile. Superman waits, he wants to see exactly what The Batman can do. The Batmobile fires a series of shots that take out the fleeing truck’s tyres forcing it to crash into a wall. Superman watches as the gunmen – six of them – exit the truck and prepare an assault.

The men unleash a storm of bullets upon the Batmobile. Their clips run empty. As the robbers begin to reload a shadow creeps from behind. It’s The Batman, Superman is amazed at the ease with which he subdues the assailants. Batman somehow turns being outnumbered six-to-one into an advantage. Within seconds all six men are on the floor. Batman grabs one and begins asking a series of question. The robber refuses to answer to which Batman responds with thunderous fists to the man’s skull and body. Superman decides to intervene.

Superman

That’s enough

Batman turns around, his hands still gripped around the bleeding robber’s throat. He hardly takes notice of Superman before returning to the beating.

Superman

I said, that’s enough!

Batman

Grrr…I’m in the middle of an interrogation

Superman

That’s a job for the police

Batman

They can have him when I’m done

Superman uses his superspeed to rush towards Batman and grab his fist before he can land another blow.

Superman

You’re done…

Batman releases the robber. He notices the oncoming squad of police cars.

Batman

Let’s talk

Batman reaches for his grappling gun from his belt and points it at a nearby skyscraper. He then flies up to the rooftop. Superman joins him

Superman

Look I…

Batman

Shut up! You just endangered this entire city!

Superman

By stopping you beating up on some helpless thug?

Batman

You know what’s in the back of that truck? Not money, not jewels; argon gas. And you know what that’s used for?

Superman

…

Batman

Of course you don’t.  This is the third robbery of this kind in two weeks. The individual components are pretty harmless but when combined they can be used to create nerve gas. If you hadn’t interrupted, I’d know who’s behind this by now; but I guess now I’ll have to wait for a few hundred people to die to figure it out.

Superman

I’m sorry I didn’t…

Batman

Think? Clearly not. But that’s your style isn’t it. Who cares if thousands die? As long as you get to be the hero…

Superman

What’s that supposed to mean?

Batman

Everyone calls you a hero; all I see is a man who left a city and its people in ruins

Superman

I was fighting to protect the city. To protect the planet.

Batman

I was there, I saw how you ‘protected’ it. While you were busy collapsing buildings, I was pulling people out of the rubble.

Superman

I didn’t come here to fight with you. I came here looking for a friend…someone who knows what it’s like to live this life

Batman

Stay out of my city.

Batman shoves his way past Superman

I have no need for your friendship

Superman

We don’t have to be enemies…Bruce

Batman pauses.

Batman

X-ray vision. That’s a handy trick

Superman

I didn’t want to but…

Superman turns to face Batman but finds that he’s disappeared. He looks around but finds no sign of him

Superman

No, that’s a handy trick