So I watched Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2…

I’m not entirely sure why I went to go watch this movie. Curiosity? Boredom? Maybe I’m a little bit of a sadist? I mean, I didn’t like the first one so why would I think the second one would be better? Okay, but in all honesty, this movie is slight better than the first one in the way that getting shot in the chest is slightly better than getting shot in the head.

Okay, basic plot: have you watched Die Hard? Have you been to a mall? Now imagine those two things meeting but not in an action-packed way or a funny way; just in a really stupid, not funny way that makes you wonder why this movie was ever made.

More than anything this movie is just…disappointing. I think Kevin James is a really funny guy and when he gets it right, like In Here Comes The Boom or Hitch, he’s great fun to watch but unfortunately he also gets it horribly wrong most of the time. The problem with this movie is that it’s humour is incredibly dated. The jokes would have been hilarious if this movie came out ten years ago. The whole fat guy trying to be agile, security guard with delusions of grandeur, fat guy runs into things, trips over things, gets hit by things. All of the jokes in this movie are slapstick and no humour is left over for the dialogue. Every time the characters speak it’s in worn-out cliches and dull one-liners. None of them have any personality at all.

All the characters in this movie were created from the 1998 Adam Sandler box of character stereotypes. There’s the goofy idiot; the hot girl who likes the goofy idiot; the cool guy who is mean to the goofy idiot but eventually ends up been his friend and the villain who loses to the goofy idiot because the script demands it. There isn’t an original thought put into this movie’s script at all.

It’s a shame that this movie has such a poor script because it actually has some quality actors in it. The immense talents of Neil McDonough and D.B. Woodside (who were both on Suits) are wasted in this movie. They play villains who are intelligent enough to orchestrate a robbery of a Vegas hotel but not clever enough to take down a security guard on a segway. I know what you’re thinking: isn’t the goofy idiot taking down intelligent criminals the basic plot of every 90’s action-comedy? Yes, yes it is but it’s not the 90’s anymore.

Now, this movie isn’t an Adam Sandler movie but I regard Adam Sandler, Kevin James and Rob Schneider as one big comedic entity – they all make the same kind of movies about goofy idiots. Now as I’m getting older, I’m hearing a lot more criticism aimed at these guys and their movies; with most people saying that Sandler and his crew were really funny when we were kids but they’ve lost the magic and now suck. I don’t think they’ve lost the magic or changed and become not funny, I actually think they’ve stayed the same – and that’s the problem.

You always hear people saying that the legends of the past are greater than the legends of the present but I don’t think that’s always necessarily true. The qualities that brought success ten years ago, aren’t exactly the qualities that are going to bring success today. Times change and with that, your style also needs to change. That’s the lesson Sandler an co. need to learn. Ten to fifteen years ago, these guys were kings but now we approach their movies with apprehension. It’s not that we don’t like laughing at goofy idiots on screen (I mean, Kevin Hart is proof of this), we just want it to be a little bit smarter and better done.

Overall this movie is a let down but it’s slightly better than the first. I can’t remember laughing during the first one; but I counted, and in this one I laughed at least three times. Not a good movie at all, I think it’ll make a good return at the cinema (mainly due to its low budget) but it won’t be the unexpected financial success that the first movie was. Not worth a trip to the cinema unless you’re high/drunk or trying to sleep with a person who enjoyed the first one. 4/10